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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25522231">Reach out and touch your fate, give up on everything</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheronicanation/pseuds/cheronicanation'>cheronicanation</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Riverdale (TV 2017)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Sad Cheryl Blossom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:14:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,755</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25522231</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheronicanation/pseuds/cheronicanation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>veronica breaks up with cheryl after a three year long relationship, sending cheryl into a downwards spiral</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Reach out and touch your fate, give up on everything</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>//TW: substance abuse, selfharm// </p>
<p>follow me on twitter @petschsart</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cheryl woke up, the headache she had not even affecting her since she was so numb. She stood up and did her morning routine on auto-pilot. She showered, got dressed, brushed her teeth, did her makeup, refilled the water bottle of Smirnoff vodka she kept in her bag, grabbed everything she needed for school and was out the door and in her car without even registering any of it. </p>
<p>Her eyes were lifeless as she drove, just barely paying attention to the road. She hated this car. She hated that her fingers weren't intertwined with her soulmate's, she hated that the passenger seat still smelled like her, she hated the vivid memories of passionate late nights at Lovers' Lane where they made love in the backseat. </p>
<p>She just hated her car that she used to love so much. She hated everything she used to love so much. She hated archery, remembering when she gave lessons to her ex-girlfriend, a front pressed against a warm back as her arms wrapped around her to make sure the beginner's posture was correct. </p>
<p>She hated drawing, her sketchbook filled with immaculate sketches of the woman she loved, and still loves, despite the pain she has caused in the redhead's heart. Nothing seems to inspire her to draw now anyways, since her muse is gone. </p>
<p>She hated even going outside, just because everywhere she turned there were memories. Being tackled to the ground and rolling around in the grass kissing lovingly and softly. Early morning and late night strolls in the garden. Pushing each other into the pool, splashing around playfully. </p>
<p>She even hated her house. Once filled with laughter and bare feet padding across the floor as they chased each other around, backs being pushed against walls as they made out. Now filled with an eerie, sad silence save for her Nana's programmes. </p>
<p>She hated her bedroom. Her bed that is now empty but still smelled like aloe and orchid shampoo and jasmine perfume. The sounds of girly giggling, breathy moans, whispered 'I love yous' gone, and replaced by sobs that were caused by heartbreak and alcohol swishing around in a glass bottle. </p>
<p>But most of all Cheryl hated herself. She should have talked to her more. Or maybe she should have given her space. She should have been more outgoing, getting random gifts to bring home to her lover. She shouldn't have been so goddamned insecure about every little thing. She shouldn't have loaded her problems onto someone that was already dealing with problems of her own. </p>
<p>She suffocated the girl she loved so much and then lost her because of it. She parked in the parking lot at school, entering and going straight to her locker, trying to avoid seeing the girl she misses so much. </p>
<p>But it was too late. As soon as she entered the building she saw her. Through the window to the library, there she sat, mouth attached to Archie Andrews' as their tongues rammed down each other's throats. </p>
<p>Cheryl felt tears prick at her eyes but refused to let them fall. Crying at home, alone in her room, was one thing. But crying in public, at school, was another. So instead she walked to her locker, unlocked it and put her stuff where it needed to be, grabbing the water bottle she had filled this morning, and took a few big gulps, the alcohol not even burning. She had been drinking it non-stop for the past two weeks, so she was practically immune to it by now. </p>
<p>She quickly put it away when she saw Betty Cooper approaching and popped a piece of gum in her mouth. She was honestly in no mood to talk to the tiring blonde, the numbness in her body just able to cover her exhaustion from only sleeping for a total of six hours since the breakup. </p>
<p>"Hey Cheryl." Betty smiled. </p>
<p>"Hi." Cheryl said with a fake smile. </p>
<p>"So, how are you holding up?" Betty asked. </p>
<p>Cheryl wanted to roll her eyes. Betty Cooper doesn't care for her. Never has and never will. Cheryl had always known that deep down, but the facts really only phased her when Betty had blackmailed her all those months back. </p>
<p>"Okay." Cheryl nodded, completely lying. She knew she wasn't okay. The alcohol in her bag, empty bottles in her room and cuts on her wrists and thighs,  that were being covered by clothing, proving that further. </p>
<p>"Good. Good." Betty nodded. "So I was, um, just wondering," Cheryl wanted to roll her eyes even more now. Of course Betty wanted something from her. "You know it's been a while since there has been a Vixen practice." Betty said, balancing on the sides of her feet, nervous to approach any topic with Cheryl at the moment. </p>
<p>Cheryl just stared at her blankly. The Vixens were the last thing she was worried about. She didn't have the energy to come to school, let alone captain a cheerleading squad. Not to mention, the person that is currently making out with Archie like their breakup didn't even affect them was co-captain, and would surely be there. </p>
<p>And Cheryl definitely couldn't handle that. </p>
<p>"Right." She nodded, her voice lacking any emotion. "Yeah." She said again, not really knowing what to say. It was like her brain was scattered and she didn't understand what was happening around her, not really processing Betty's words. "So." She didn't really know what to do. She didn't even want to mutter her ex's name, nor did she want to speak to her. "I quit." Cheryl shrugged. </p>
<p>"What?" Betty's eyes practically bugged out of her head in shock. "Cheryl, you have been HBIC of the Vixens since ninth grade. They have been your sole priority in school for as long as I remember. You love being captain." Betty said, each word sounding sadder and sadder. </p>
<p>"Yeah, well I'm not really feeling it anymore." Cheryl reached into her locker and grabbed her iconic shirt that was folded and ironed perfectly and handed it to Betty. "I don't really know what you want me to say or do. And you seem to be the more logical of the two of us so I'm sure you can figure something out." </p>
<p>"Cheryl, no, come on. I'm not letting you quit." Betty said firmly. </p>
<p>"Yeah well it's not really up to you, is it?" Cheryl said, the words not coming out harshly, but instead a mumble as she turned to grab her books for first period out of her locker. </p>
<p>"Come on. You'll regret this. Just, if you need a break, take one, no one will blame you. But don't quit." Betty pleaded. </p>
<p>"Betty." Cheryl deadpanned. "I'm just not feeling it anymore okay? Nothing's going to change that." She looked her cousin in the eyes and gave her a tight lipped smile. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get to class." </p>
<p>Betty nodded slowly and they walked in opposite directions. Cheryl sat down in class, five minutes before the warning bell was set to ring. Usually she would be in the student lounge relaxing with her friends until final bell, but currently she had no friends. All of her previous friends liked her girlfriend - ex-girlfriend - more than her, and had silently chosen to keep hanging out with her and ditch Cheryl. </p>
<p>Or, on the odd day her girlfriend wasn't at school or was late, she would go on her phone. But now Cheryl couldn't go on her phone. She couldn't bring herself to change her lock screen, or home screen, from the picture of the two of them laughing pre-breakup, and whenever she did go onto it, she found the temptation of going through the photo albums of her or their previous texts too strong and usually ended up caving, sending herself into another break down. </p>
<p>So here she sat, looking straight ahead, her vision blurred and her mind blank and fuzzy. It felt like only moments later when the bell rang and students started filing in. Cheryl's vision only focused when a certain Latina entered the room, her arm linked with the only other redhead in the whole school. </p>
<p>Familiar lipstick that used to be smudged around Cheryl's lips was now smudged on Archie's, both of their hair messy, and shirts were wrinkled. Cheryl averted her eyes from the smiling pair to look back out the window. </p>
<p>It wasn't fair. She willed herself to move on. To be able to have fun. Go party, meet someone new, have a good time. But she couldn't. All she wanted to do was go somewhere dark, somewhere she had never been before, where she had no memories, and just sit there and stay there for the rest of her sad, pathetic life. </p>
<p>But the more Cheryl thought about how she felt, and how her ex-girlfriend was, the more she realised Veronica must have never loved her at all. Because if she did, she wouldn't be making out with other people, she wouldn't be sitting with Archie Andrews, his hand on her thigh, looking happy as ever, as if the breakup didn't even happen.</p>
<p>So Cheryl knew she was never loved. And she was so stupid for letting herself get hurt like this. The alcohol from the previous night and all through the early hours of the morning, along with what she had just drank wasn't doing the best job at calming the sorrowful thoughts of the raven haired girl she used to call hers, but instead it was numbing everything else, making Veronica the only thing in Cheryl's mind. </p>
<p>"Blossom." Cheryl heard faintly, catching her attention. "Miss Blossom." This time it was said more loudly, and Cheryl's vision refocused and she realised it had started raining, droplets rolling down the window. </p>
<p>"Cheryl Blossom." The teacher repeated for the fifth time, his gruff voice getting deeper and deeper. </p>
<p>Cheryl turned her attention to the front of the class, noticing that everyone was looking at her. Including the girl that was racing through her thoughts. She almost looked concerned and Cheryl wanted to scoff and scream at her. Instead she let out a meek 'yes' in response to the teacher. </p>
<p>"Can you answer question twelve please?" he asked. </p>
<p>Cheryl looked down at her math textbook and at the trigonometry question. She was usually extremely quick at math, it being her best subject. One glance at the question and she could answer it within a matter of seconds, without writing anything down. </p>
<p>But right now the numbers weren't registering in her brain, instead they were just in front of her face, meaning nothing. It made no sense in Cheryl's dazed mine. </p>
<p>"No," she answered simply. </p>
<p>"I expect you to keep up, Miss Blossom. You are usually the best in the class." Cheryl could tell the teacher seemed confused and rather worried but she didn't care. Instead she let her eyes drift back over to the window, trying to sing a song in her head to distract herself from the girl sitting across the room. </p>
<p>Cheryl had drank a lot more since math, and her water bottle was nearly empty by lunch. She frowned as she took the last few sips, needing more. She needed to feel numb. To rid herself, even if momentarily, from the heartbreak and anguish she felt. </p>
<p>Then she saw Kevin Keller walking in her direction, and turned on her heels to head out to the parking lot to go buy herself more booze during lunch hour. </p>
<p>"Cheryl wait," he called after her, and she picked up the pace. Kevin had stuck by Veronica's side ever since the breakup, and this was the first time since the split he had even tried to talk to Cheryl. </p>
<p>So she picked up the pace, but only a little, not trusting herself to run in six inch heels in her drunken state. Although she had become amazingly good at hiding the fact she was drunk, she didn't trust herself that much. Suddenly she felt a soft but firm, manly hand grip her shoulder just as she reached the doors. </p>
<p>"What do you want Kevin?" Cheryl sighed. </p>
<p>"I just wanted to know how you were. Veronica's really worried about you-" he started and Cheryl couldn't help but laugh bitterly. </p>
<p>"Yeah didn't seem that way this morning when she was in the library with Archibald." </p>
<p>Kevin frowned. "She's just working through some stuff." </p>
<p>"Mhm, I bet. Now if you'll excuse me,  I'm rather parched, so I'm going to go buy something to drink." She attempted to turn around but the grip tightened. </p>
<p>"You've been drinking water all morning." Kevin stated.</p>
<p>"Yeah, well, I'm out." Cheryl turned and when the grip on her arm tightened again she ripped her arm away angrily and practically stomped out to her car. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The next day Cheryl entered the school using the door to the gymnasium, deciding to empty out her gym locker. She walked into the change room and thankfully found it empty. She started taking everything out, stuffing it in an extra bag she'd brought when she thought she heard something. </p>
<p>A voice. A cry maybe. But the sound was gone. Until she heard it even louder and her heart broke again, creating the millionth piece that lay along with all the other shattered bits in her chest.</p>
<p>It wasn't a cry, but rather an all too familiar moan coming from the guy's locker room. That used to be one of her favourite sounds, coming in second place, right after an angelic laugh and beautiful voice. She felt tears prick at her eyes.  </p>
<p>*Cheryl was laying in bed, her head rested on Veronica's chest as they watched Mamma Mia. Her arms were wrapped loosely around a slim waist, and she inhaled the scent of jasmine perfume that was absorbed in the soft cotton t shirt her girlfriend was wearing. </p>
<p>She felt soft lips press to the crown of her head in a sweet kiss, her smile growing. She tilted her head up to connect her lips to Veronicas in a soft, slow kiss. When she pulled apart slowly, she rested her forehead against the other girls, and next thing she knew, their lips were connected again. </p>
<p>They kept breaking apart, and kissing again repeatedly, not heatedly or anything but just slowly and gently. It was a soft, and sweet moment, and Cheryl's hands gripped into the tshirt beneath her. She kissed the corner of Veronica's mouth, then down her jawline to her neck, and pressed soft, loving kisses across her skin, making sure to cover each and every inch. </p>
<p>Her fingers gripped the hem of the tshirt and Veronica lifted her arms, allowing Cheryl to remove the fabric, tossing it aside, her breasts now on full display. Cheryl kissed all the new exposed skin, before attaching her lips around the hardened nipple, sucking on it gently as the girl below her let out a shaky breath, pulling the redheads sweater over her head. </p>
<p>Cheryl kissed down her stomach, grabbing the hem of lacy, highwaisted panties and pulled them down olive toned legs slowly, before dropping them onto the floor. She once again went up to her girlfriends lips, kissing them just as softly as before. </p>
<p>Veronica let a contented sigh out as she breathed through her nose. Cheryl's hands dragged up her torso to her chest, grabbing the round mounds softly. Veronica let out a soft moan against Cheryl's lips, as Cheryl continued softly groping the flesh before making her way down the perfect torso once again until she was settled between strong thighs, face to face with what she wanted. </p>
<p>She licked her lips slowly before swiping through sweet, wet folds slowly, a moan escaping both their mouths as they made eye contact. Veronica's eyes reflected what Cheryl's did, filled with nothing but adoration. </p>
<p>Cheryl continued doing what she was doing, swirling her tongue around the raven haired girls small bundle of nerves slowly before wrapping her lips around the hardened bud and sucking slowly, often applying pressure to it with her tongue. </p>
<p>Soft moans escaped Veronica's lips with every suck, lick, movement. Until Cheryl slowly stuck her tongue into Veronica's entrance, letting the strong muscle curl upwards into Veronicas walls as her nose nudged her clit. </p>
<p>Cheryl moaned when she felt Veronicas spongy walls flutter around her tongue, sending vibrations through the latina that ultimately brought her to her orgasm, a loud moan escaping her lips followed by more quieter ones as Cheryl kept her tongue moving slowly inside her clenched walls. </p>
<p>Until she finally pulled away, Veronica breathing heavily. </p>
<p>"I love you Cher."*</p>
<p>Cheryl felt the hot tears stream down her face and she found herself sitting on the bench, water bottle filled with vodka in her hand, wishing she had brought a blade to school. She glanced at the fresh cuts across her wrists from last night, the aftermath of seeing Veronica so happy with Archie. </p>
<p>The noises had stopped and suddenly Cheryl heard the change room door open, so she quickly shoved the water bottle away, wiped her tears and continued emptying her lockers contents into the bag, ignoring the approaching clicks of high heels. </p>
<p>She heard a small gasp, followed by a quiet 'oh'. </p>
<p>"Uh, hey Cher, yl." Veronica added quickly. Cheryl just nodded, keeping her eyes on her task at hand, trying to change her train of thought from the fact that Veronica had just been having sex with Archie fucking Andrews of all people. "What are you doing?" She asked curiously after an awkward minute of silence. </p>
<p>Cheryl didn't want to answer. Veronica didn't deserve answers from her. Nor did she need them. She wasn't a part of her life anymore, and that was the Latinas choice. But still, Cheryl found herself muttering a response just because it was Veronica who asked, the girl she loves.</p>
<p>"Cleaning out my locker," Cheryl deadpanned, quickly shoving the pictures that were on the door into her bag without looking at them because she knew they would only bring another tidal wave of tears.</p>
<p>"What? Why?" Veronica asked in confusion, and again, Cheryl didn't want to answer her but she found herself speaking nonetheless.</p>
<p>"Because. Has Betty not told you?" Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a shake of her head. "Hm. Well, I'm quitting the Vixens. They're all yours." Cheryl said nonchalantly. </p>
<p>"What? You love the Vixens. Why are you quitting?" Veronica asked frantically. </p>
<p>"Because I'm just not in the mood." Cheryl deadpanned. </p>
<p>"That's not a very Cheryl Blossom answer." Veronica said and Cheryl met her eyes. </p>
<p>"Yeah well, people change." Cheryl slammed the door to the now empty locker shut, and brushed past Veronica, turning around the corner and reaching a hand out for the handle of the door.</p>
<p>"Cheryl wait." Veronica called after her, chasing her, but Cheryl didn't stop. Eventually the sound of Veronica's heels did. </p>
<p>And that's when Cheryl's water bottle was drained. Thankfully she had packed a second today, that she would save for later. She couldn't even begin to imagine what this was doing to her liver, or how she hasn't gotten alcohol poisoning yet. But maybe it's because her body has given up, just like the rest of her. Quit registering things, quit trying to be healthy. </p>
<p>After school that day, Cheryl didn't want to go straight back to Thistle house. So instead she drove herself to Lover's Lane, and parked at the top of the mountain. No one ever came here during this time of day on a Tuesday, since it wasn't nearly as romantic now as it was on a Friday or Saturday night.</p>
<p>She looked out over the town of Riverdale, not knowing what she was doing with her life. Her 4.0 gpa had definitely dropped in the past month and she had no motivation to get it back up again. She quit cheerleading, when she worked so hard to get the position as HBIC. She drank her days and nights away, and was crying half the time. </p>
<p>It just goes to show how correct her mother really had been. About everything. Right now, Cheryl was the exact definition of worthless. She had certainly been deviant. And apparently she was loveless, because the person she loved the most in the world right now, that she thought loved her back, didn't. And if anybody would love Cheryl, she was positive it would be Veronica Lodge. </p>
<p>And Cheryl knew she should have died instead of her brother. If Jason had still been alive, he would have perfect grades, be captain of the football team, scholarships for universities lined up, a wife, two perfect little children, a home, a job, a family. He would be loved. He would be happy and living his life to his fullest. </p>
<p>And here's Cheryl, taking up his place on earth, failing classes, doing nothing at all and drinking like a fifty-year-old alcoholic from the Southside. She truly was pathetic. And she hated herself for wasting a life when Jason could be here. She would happily trade spots with him right now. </p>
<p>She finally zoned out of her thoughts at 7 pm, and drove home to put her Nana to bed. Nana Rose was asking repeatedly when Veronica would be back because she was too delirious to realise she was gone. Forever. And it broke Cheryl's heart. </p>
<p>So she turned off the light, said goodnight and turned in for the night. She grabbed a random bottle from the stash under her bed and started drinking as a blade sliced through her skin, blood dripping down her arm. But she didn't care. She didn't feel it. She just wanted to feel it. </p>
<p>She cut deeper, harsher lines. She just wanted to feel it. Feel something. Something other than sadness. And if it has to be pain that she feels, she will gladly deal. She just wants the sadness gone. She cut harder, and harder, until it was all blood and she couldn't see the skin. Sure, her blankets would be stained but she had hundreds of this exact comforter and silk sheets. </p>
<p>So she pulled off her pants and cut into her thighs over the old wounds. Just. Wanting. To. Feel. Something. But it didn't work. She guzzled down the rest of the bottle, and next thing she knew she was asleep. </p>
<p>Then, she was being woken up, more sober than before. </p>
<p>"Cheryl. Oh my God. Cheryl are you okay?" She recognized the voice. She blinked her eyes harshly trying to get her vision to focus. "Girl." The voice sighed, pulling her up and into a warm hug.</p>
<p>Her arms and thighs stung. The girl smelled of mint leaves and Cheryl knew immediately it was Josie. </p>
<p>"What are you doing here?" Cheryl asked, eyebrows furrowed. </p>
<p>She was aware of the fresh cuts on her body and knew Josie would be worried. But she also knew Josie had sided with Veronica, so Cheryl didn't want her here. She just wanted to be left alone by everyone. Including herself. </p>
<p>"You left me a voicemail. I subtly asked around and thankfully I was the only one. And you just said 'there's so much blood but I don't feel it.' So I came here. I didn't tell anybody and I don't plan to. But you need to get your stuff in order." Josie said. </p>
<p>"This is the first time I did this and the last time." Cheryl lied easily. </p>
<p>"Hm. So why'd you do it then?" She asked. </p>
<p>Cheryl fidgeted her lips around. "I uh, was cleaning out my gym locker when I heard Archie and Veronica in the guy's change room." She mumbled. </p>
<p>"I'm so sorry." Josie said, pulling her closer. She didn't want her sympathy. She just wanted to be alone in her own self pity. </p>
<p>"Yeah. Whatever. I got my rage out and now I'm done. You can leave now I'll clean all this up." Cheryl said. </p>
<p>"Nuh uh. I'm not leaving now Sweetie. I'm spending the night." Josie said. </p>
<p>Cheryl rolled her eyes. "And you suddenly care?" She asked, and Josie looked confused. "This is the first time you talked to me since we broke up." She couldn't even say Veronica's name knowing she'd start to cry. "You haven't asked me how I was, to hang out, to talk. And now all of a sudden you're my friend? No. Why don't you just go report back to her and leave me the fuck alone." </p>
<p>Josie's face was one of shock and sadness but Cheryl couldn't bring herself to care. She needs to stop caring about people who don't care about her. Because that's all she seems to do and then she gets her feelings hurt. She cared about Kevin. She cared about Betty. She cared about Josie. She cared about Archie and most of all she cared about Veronica. But they have all proven they couldn't care less about her. </p>
<p>"Cheryl-" </p>
<p>"I don't want to hear it. Just leave, okay?" Josie shook her head, tears falling from her eyes. </p>
<p>"I'm sorry. I-I-" </p>
<p>"Josie, no. Maybe tomorrow or something but not right now. I'm just going to change the sheets, have a shower and go to bed. You can leave and come find me later. Maybe not even tomorrow." Cheryl said and Josie nodded in defeat, finally leaving. </p>
<p>Cheryl stripped the bed of sheets, putting on new ones from the closet before she got in a shower, washing the blood from her body, seeing how bad the cuts truly were. They were deep, and would take a long time to heal properly. Not to mention they were nothing like her normal cuts. </p>
<p>Usually they were perfectly straight lines, all the same length and about an inch apart. These were jagged and crooked, and just wherever on her body because in her moment of rage, she didn't care. </p>
<p>When she finally got in bed, she willed herself to sleep, but she couldn't, so she just laid staring at the ceiling, thinking of all the things she could have done differently for them. For herself. For Veronica. Things she could have done better.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Cheryl was sober. For the first time in at least a week she had no alcohol running through her system, nothing numbing the pain. She couldn't be here. It hurt too much. She was utterly exhausted and all she wanted to do was sleep, but there was nowhere she could go that didn't remind her of her ex-girlfriend. </p>
<p>She had strongly considered reaching out to Josie or Kevin, but they live together now and Cheryl couldn't go over to Kevin's house. That's where she first confessed her love for Veronica, to one of the people she used to consider her best friend. </p>
<p>Anywhere in Thistle house contained memories. She considered spending the night in her car, but there were too many memories there too. After lots of thought on where she could sleep, she couldn't think of anywhere so she got up, grabbed her phone and drove to Pops. </p>
<p>She knew it was a bad idea, having lots of memories of Veronica there too, but it was her only option. She parked outside the diner in the vacant parking lot, and entered Pops with the chime of a bell. </p>
<p>The lights were dim, not really needing them on all the way this early in the morning, two am quickly approaching. Cheryl walked and sat in the booth in the very back, in the seat facing the rest of the diner rather than the one facing the wall. </p>
<p>She noticed a particular beanie clad boy sitting in a booth across the diner, the light from his laptop screen illuminating his face. He was looking at her with curious eyes, the noise of keys being tapped momentarily paused. </p>
<p>Pops' knuckles tapped on the surface of the table to get her attention. </p>
<p>"Its a rather late night for you, isn't it Blossom?" He asked kindly. </p>
<p>"I haven't been sleeping well these past few days." The redhead shrugged, eyes quickly flicking back to Jughead who was still watching her with a conflicted look on his face.</p>
<p>"Ah, I see. Well, can I get you anything?" His voice was deep and slightly gravelly from what Cheryl assumed was fatigue. </p>
<p>"A chamomile tea please." Cheryl nodded, and Pop Tate tapped the table with his fingertips lightly before he was walking away. </p>
<p>She rested her forehead against the cold window, her eyes scanning her familiar surroundings, the parking lot illuminated by a red tint. She heard the sound of the laptop across the diner being shut, and dragging feet, then the sound of the leather seat across from her squeaking from weight. </p>
<p>She looked up to see Jughead looking at her. </p>
<p>"What do you want, Jughead?" She asked, not really interested in engaging in conversation with him. </p>
<p>He was pining after Betty Cooper, who was best friends with Veronica, which essentially meant he was on the Latina's side of the breakup. </p>
<p>"I- um, I just wanted to know how you were." He said, clearing his throat awkwardly. </p>
<p>Cheryl pulled her gaze from the parking lot, to meet Jughead's eye before looking back out the window. Jughead sighed when he realised he wasn't going to receive an answer. </p>
<p>"I just, I know you don't really have anyone to talk to because people are either on one side or the other. But I'm not really on any side, in case you haven't noticed. I just stick to myself." He explained, and Cheryl just sighed, looking at him tiredly but didn't say anything,  so he continued. </p>
<p>"I've just noticed that you aren't, well, looking as happy as you used to. And I just, I don't agree with what Veronica did. I don't exactly know why you guys broke up but the way she just dropped you and picked up Archie was cruel and harsh. And I just don't want you to fall back into, um, the dark place you were in after Jason's death." Jughead mumbled the last part. </p>
<p>Cheryl regrets that day more than anything. Not the decision she made, and she doesn't regret it because she almost took her life. But she regrets it because she failed and it was embarrassing. And now people, people like Jughead Jones, are worried about her trying it again. If she hadn't screwed up the first time, like she does everything else, she wouldn't be experiencing this pain. </p>
<p>And she wants to do it again. She does. She wants to succeed at taking her own life. She wants all the pain to be gone and to just quit suffering. But she needs to take care of her Nana. Her precious Nana that is curled up in a fragile little ball in her chambers right now. Because Nana Rose is all she has left and she needs to make sure she's alright.</p>
<p>"Jughead, I can assure you I'm not thinking like that anymore. Yes, I'm not happy about.. recent events in my life, but I'm not going to attempt something like that now. I can handle myself and my emotions." She assures, the last part being a complete and utter lie. </p>
<p>If she could handle herself she wouldn't have spent the past week heavily intoxicated and crying. If she could handle her emotions,  there wouldn't be scars and cuts all over her wrists, thighs and body. </p>
<p>Jughead gave her a little nod. "I'm serious though Cheryl. If you ever need to talk, I'm here." Cheryl nodded once, but other than that didn't reply, and Jughead left with a heavy sigh. </p>
<p>Cheryl heard the clink of the tea cup meet the table, but she wasn't in the mood for tea anymore. She craved something different but she couldn't tell what it was. So she placed a five dollar bill on the table, and exited the diner, darting across the street to the little corner store. </p>
<p>She didn't really know what she was doing, or why she was doing it but she found herself walking to the counter in the back. The man working the shift had a long beard and greasy hair that was tied back in a man bun. </p>
<p>He looked up from his phone at her approach and raised an eyebrow expectantly. </p>
<p>"Can I get a package of cigarettes?" She asked. </p>
<p>The guy chuckled a little. "You don't seem old enough to be smoking." He smirked and she reached into her wallet to grab a fake ID when he held up a hand. "You don't need to pull out your fake ID. Bad day?" He asked. </p>
<p>"More like bad life." Cheryl snorted in response and the guy chuckled but nodded. </p>
<p>"So, have you ever smoked before?" He asked and Cheryl shook her head. "Alright. I recommend these." He tossed a pack of cigarettes onto the counter. "Blue Marlboro Kings. They aren't too strong, slightly minty. Good brand." He nodded and Cheryl hummed. "You gonna need a lighter with those?" He asked and Cheryl nodded again. </p>
<p>He rang them up and nodded at the screen. "Alright that's gonna be fifteen eighty five." </p>
<p>Cheryl placed down a twenty dollar bill with a mumbled 'keep the change' and 'thanks' as she walked back out into the street, anxious to see what smoking was like.</p>
<p>She peeled off the plastic from around the small carton and grabbed one out, crushing the ball in the filter like the package told her to. She placed the stick between her lips, and brought the flame of the lighter up to it, and watched as the end started smoking while it started to burn. </p>
<p>She inhaled a little deeply, the back of her throat and lungs immediately burning as she coughed, smoke leaving her mouth and nose as she tried to suck in actual air. She saw the smoke curl up into the night, and found it mesmerizing as she brought it back up to her lips. </p>
<p>By the time morning rolled around, Cheryl still hadn't drank any alcohol, but she still packed two water bottles full of vodka into her school bag, along with her pack of cigarettes and lighter. She dragged herself downstairs, a soft smile lighting up her features as she entered her Nana's room. </p>
<p>The old lady was sitting up on her bed, and looked at Cheryl expectantly. Cheryl helped her get up and ready for the day, making her breakfast and tea before leading her out into the living area to watch her programmes as Cheryl went to school. </p>
<p>As soon as Cheryl arrived, her eyes fell on Veronica who had her lips crushed against Betty Cooper's, and Cheryl's eyes widened in shock and heartbreak. </p>
<p>God, was Veronica not hurt by their breakup at all? First Archie Andrews and now Betty Cooper. She didn't even know her cousin was interested in girls at all. She felt tears prick at her eyes as she quickly grabbed a water bottle and her package of smokes, stepping out of her car to lean against the hood. </p>
<p>She had been standing in this exact position exactly a month ago, her lips moving languidly against Veronica's happily. She thought they were both happy, both in love. She thought they were soulmates and that they were going to stay together and in love forever. </p>
<p>You've never known love, Cheryl. Except to rip it apart.</p>
<p>Oh God, how Penelope Blossom had been right. Cheryl took a swig from her water bottle, gulping down three mouthfuls before she placed a cigarette between her lips, lighting it and taking a drag, coughing a little at the burning sensation. </p>
<p>"Cheryl, girl, that thing is toxic." She heard Josie's voice from behind her and she just shrugged, taking another drag. "Look I know it's hard but maybe smoking isn't how you should cope." </p>
<p>Cheryl wanted to scream. To tell her that she has no idea how hard it is. How badly Cheryl wants to end her life, but instead has decided to resort to cigarettes. That she doesn't fucking care what Josie thinks, or anyone for that matter. That she doesn't give a shit how bad it is for her. </p>
<p>But instead she just shrugs again. "Whatever." </p>
<p>"You sure you're alright?" Josie asked softly. </p>
<p>"I'm fine Josie." Cheryl smiled, smoke blowing out of her mouth as she spoke. It was a lie, but Josie didn't seem to notice and just gave Cheryl's arm a soft squeeze.</p>
<p>"You tell me if you're not." Josie said sternly and Cheryl nodded. </p>
<p>Without another word Josie turned and started walking to the school and Cheryl's eyes fell back onto Veronica and Betty, whose lips were still attached. Veronica's eyes met Cheryl's and suddenly, she was pulling back from the blonde. </p>
<p>She took in how Cheryl looked, and she was looking a little worse for wear. Veronica wanted to cry when she saw the cigarette in Cheryl's hands, and could see the bags under her eyes despite the concealer the redhead was wearing, could see the pain behind chocolate brown orbs from twenty yards away. </p>
<p>Veronica knew she did this to her. She was the cause of the redhead's pain. And she wanted to hurt herself for it. For hurting the one person she loved more than anything in this world. But that was exactly why she was doing it. Her feelings for the redhead were too strong and it was scaring her, so she was trying to distance herself. Get rid of those feelings. </p>
<p>So instead she tore her gaze from Cheryl's and smiled at Betty before connecting their lips again and tried to ignore the fact that she could feel the pale girl's gaze on them.</p>
<p>The moment Veronica reattached her lips with Betty's, Cheryl chugged at least half of her water bottle, grabbed her bag and went around the school and in through the gym doors, before walking across it and entering the halls. </p>
<p>She walked over to her locker, getting what she needed for class and walking there, trying her best to just forget what her life was right now and focus on getting her school work done. And it worked. For the first half of the day, Cheryl forgot all about her life as she knew it and powered through all the schoolwork she hadn't done in the past few weeks. </p>
<p>But it was lunch now, and she was in the student lounge sitting on the ground beside the vending machine, sketchbook on her thighs as her knees were bent, pencil in her hand, airpods in her ears. </p>
<p>She found herself drawing Veronica again, looking up at the Latina who sat across the room every few minutes even though she knew her every feature like the back of her hand. Veronica was sitting in between Archie and Betty on the couch, talking to Josie, Kevin, Reggie and Jughead who took up the other seats. </p>
<p>Cheryl looked back down at her paper, focusing on drawing every individual pearl of Veronica's necklace to perfection, when the atmosphere changed. The mood had definitely shifted. She looked up to see Principal Honey standing in front of her, so she quickly removed her airpods. </p>
<p>Her gaze immediately landed on the red water bottle that had been left full in her locker and she felt her stomach drop to her feet, and her heart enter her throat in a panic. </p>
<p>Oh God. </p>
<p>"Miss Blossom, care to explain what this is?" He asked. </p>
<p>Cheryl stood up and kept her posture. "My water bottle." She said coolly. </p>
<p>"Mhmm. We found it while doing a routine locker search." He said unimpressed. </p>
<p>"And?" Cheryl asked, quirking a brow. </p>
<p>"It is completely unacceptable to have alcohol on school premises." </p>
<p>Cheryl felt her defense rising, and her attitude flare. "Since when did Riverdale High become a fascist police state anyways, Principal Mussolini?" </p>
<p>"It is my responsibility to look after my students and their well being, miss Blossom," he said. "And quite frankly, I'm concerned that you have a bottle filled with Smirnoff in your locker." His gaze dropped down to the water bottle that had been beside Cheryl and everyone in the student lounge was quiet as they watched it all go down. </p>
<p>"Mind handing me that water bottle?" He asked. Cheryl picked it up without hesitation because she simply didn't care. He unscrewed the cap and took one sniff before his nose wrinkled in disgust at the smell lingering in the empty bottle. "Have you shared this with anyone?" </p>
<p>"No." Cheryl pursed her lips. </p>
<p>"Hm. Well, you seem to be a very good student, Miss Blossom. So I'm going to ask you take the rest of the day off, figure yourself out and come back tomorrow. And I expect no illegal substances." He said sternly. </p>
<p>"Whatever Mr. Humbug." Cheryl rolled her eyes, grabbing her bag and books off the ground before reaching out to take the bottles from Mr. Honey. </p>
<p>"Hold on a second." He said, pulling them back. "How intoxicated are you?" He asked. </p>
<p>"I'm not. I'm literally standing in six inch Louboutins." The redhead deadpanned. </p>
<p>"Yes, well, that is some incredible balance. But surely enough if you drank that bottle of Smirnoff on your own you must be over the legal limit to drive. Not to mention your pupils are fully dilated." He said upon careful examination. "You aren't having these back. I will not allow a minor to have this." He said simply. </p>
<p>"Oh come on, you stick in the mud. Alcohol's expensive and I bought it. I won't drink it at school, I'll save it for home, I promise." Cheryl deadpans, reaching for it again. </p>
<p>"Ah, ah, ah. It is still illegal for you to have at home. So I must insist I keep it." </p>
<p>"I'll give it to my Nana." Cheryl reached for it again.</p>
<p>"Not going to work, Miss Blossom." </p>
<p>"Whatever. I have plenty more where that came from anyways." </p>
<p>"Miss Lodge, you and Miss Blossom seem to be quite close. Can you escort her home? I promise you won't be marked absent for any classes, I assure you." Mr Honey said and Veronica had already been standing up. </p>
<p>"Yeah of course-" Veronica started. </p>
<p>"Yeah, not fucking happening." Cheryl deadpanned. </p>
<p>"Yes. It is. And that's final." Mr Honey said, his tone deep. </p>
<p>"This is fucking bullshit." Cheryl huffed. "I'm perfectly capable of driving myself, I've been doing just fine for the last three weeks." Cheryl all but growls, and suddenly she feels familiar, soft, warm fingers interlace with her own and she lets herself be dragged out of the school and into an elegant black car. </p>
<p>"Cheryl." Veronica says calmly. </p>
<p>"Veronica I swear to fucking God, if you try to reprimand me." Cheryl growls. </p>
<p>Veronica just starts the car and doesn't say anything. The tears fall down Cheryl's cheeks as they start driving off because this whole fucking car smells like Veronica, and the Latina is so close, and Cheryl misses her so fucking much it hurts. It hurts all the time. </p>
<p>The first few minutes of the drive is silent, Veronica focusing on the road and Cheryl silently letting the tears roll down her cheeks. A month ago if Cheryl had been crying, Veronica would immediately be wiping her tears away, whispering calming words into her ear and peppering kisses across her forehead. </p>
<p>And now she just sat there. All love lost. At least on one end. And the other was so helplessly in love it was unbearable knowing it wasnt reciprocated. So Cheryl cried silently, sniffling a little as they drove. </p>
<p>"I'm sorry." Veronica whispered into the silence of the car, and Cheryl glanced over at her. But even doing that made her sad. To look at the beautiful features she loves so much, knowing that she can't kiss Veronica whenever she wants and confess how much she loves her. </p>
<p>"Why?" Cheryl's voice cracks. "What did I do wrong?" The question comes out a high pitched whisper as more tears stream down her face. </p>
<p>Veronica pulls into Thistle House parking lot. </p>
<p>"You didn't do anything wrong Cher." Veronica says softly, but Cheryl doesnt believe it. She must have done something. </p>
<p>"Why then? Why did you do it?" Cheryl asked, not able to make eye contact or even look at Veronica, but she can tell she's crying. </p>
<p>"I dont know." The words are strained but honest. "I don't know Cher." She practically sobbed. </p>
<p>And Cheryl couldn't take it, so she just left. She entered Thistle House, and walked into the dining room and watched as Veronica Lodge sat in her car, in the driveway, head pressed against the steering wheel as her body shook with sobs. </p>
<p>And it hurt. It hurt a lot. Seeing the person she's so utterly in love with crying like that. But Veronica left her, not the other way around. She wiped her tears, shutting the curtains and walking into the living room to check on her Nana. </p>
<p>Panic settled into her chest when she saw her Nanas neck craned at an odd angle, eyes closed as she sat in her chair. She must be sleeping, but she'd certainly wake up sore and that's not something Cheryl wanted.</p>
<p>But as she walked closer her stomach sank further and further as her heartrate picked up and bile rose in the back of her throat because something wasn't right. </p>
<p>She slowly made her way over to her Nana, reaching out with shaking hands, her heart stopping when she couldn't feel breath coming out of her Nana's nose. She brought her hand to the old woman's chest, not feeling any beat. </p>
<p>"Oh my God. Nana. Nana." Cheryl said, her voice growing more urgent as she shook the old lady, a whole new wave of tears spilling from her eyes. </p>
<p>No, this can't be happening. "Nana. Nana, wake up. Nana Rose." She shook the old lady's fragile body a bit more harshly. But it was no use. </p>
<p>Cheryl ran out onto the porch, her panic increasing when she saw Veronica's car gone. The bile that had been resting in the back of her throat escaped her body onto the front lawn as she reached for her phone with trembling fingers. </p>
<p>She called the hospital, requesting an ambulance, pacing as she waited. Nothing. She felt nothing. She felt everything. A whole mix of emotions. She couldn't tell what was happening or how many minutes had passed as she waited. This couldn't be happening. It can't be happening. </p>
<p>It's just a really, really bad dream. Nothing seems real. This is her life. She's truly and utterly alone. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she heard the sirens growing louder as the ambulance rushed up her driveway. </p>
<p>"Miss Blossom, where is she?" The doctor on scene asked. </p>
<p>Cheryl quickly led him to her Nana, averting her gaze, not being able to look at the poor, small body in front of her. And it wasn't long before the doctor walked over to her. Too short in fact, less than five minutes. </p>
<p>"I'm sorry." He says, and Cheryl nods morosely. She couldn't bring herself to cry, nothing was real anymore. </p>
<p>She swallowed thickly, just barely sparing a glance in her Nana's direction. </p>
<p>"Um," she didn't know what to say. </p>
<p>"We can take her for an autopsy?" The guys suggested, probably knowing to some extent how Cheryl was feeling.</p>
<p>Cheryl just nodded numbly, her mind blank. She felt like she was falling into this endless hole of blackness, nothing phasing her as she watched the EMCs take her Nana away, silent tears rolling down her face. </p>
<p>She should feel sad, and anguished, but instead, she just feels absolutely nothing. She stands in that exact spot, staring at nothing in particular, even after the ambulances were gone. It felt like not even ten minutes had passed when she finally realised it was dark out, and walked up to her room, laying down on her bed and staring at the ceiling, not even bothering to change. </p>
<p>Cheryl got no sleep that night, a steady, constant stream of tears running down her cheeks and into her hair as the sun rose. It didn't feel as though her Nana had just died, it didn't feel as though she had just been dumped by her lover of three years a month ago. </p>
<p>It just felt like nothing. </p>
<p>She knew she should be getting ready for school, a quiet whisper in the back of her head telling her she should go, but her ears were clogged, no sounds registering in her brain. She spent the whole day, not moving, remaining in the same position as she thought. One question repeating in her mind. </p>
<p>What is her life? </p>
<p>And to that, she could find no answer. Her life was nothing. It was pathetic really. She was once the person everyone envied, the person everyone wanted to be, or at the very least, be with. She was the hottest girl in town, other than Veronica. She was filthy rich and her parents were gone so no one had any control over her. </p>
<p>She had a 4.0 gpa, was HBIC of the River Vixens and the school, and she was in an amazing, strong, healthy relationship. And now? Now she was none of those things, and had nothing. </p>
<p>Cheryl's once perfect body was now skin and bones from malnutrition and smoking, she had bags under her eyes and her cheeks were hollowed out. Her once glowing pale skin now just looked sickly pale and had cuts and scars littered all over it, her silky smooth hair had lost its bright colour and hadn't been properly cared for in weeks, she didn't have a girlfriend, or family, or friends, or anyone who loved her. </p>
<p>She had a huge house that she was alone in, with nothing but bad memories and alcohol to keep her company. She gave up on school in general, losing her 4.0 and HBIC position, all her time now spent crying. </p>
<p>Cheryl Blossom had no life, Cheryl Blossom was nothing. That thought alone used to scare her to death and give her anxiety attacks just a month ago, and now? She couldn't care less. </p>
<p>Cheryl spent all day feeling nothing, and she was already sick of it. She was pretty sure she'd rather go back to being sad, than continue feeling absolutely nothing. Once again night came, the day passing by super quickly but agonizingly slow at the same time, and Cheryl didn't even get a blink of sleep. </p>
<p>When morning came, Cheryl made the decision to get up and go to school. She didn't have the energy to put on makeup and do her hair, so she put her hair up in a messy bun, and put on a pair of her lulus, the only pants that seemed to still fit her impossibly thin waist, and a sweatshirt. </p>
<p>She grabbed her bag and her keys, driving to school, nothing phasing her or passing through her mind. The first thing Cheryl noticed when she entered the school was Chuck Clayton pinning Veronica against her locker as they made out heatedly. </p>
<p>Cheryl felt her heart clench, but nothing more. The saddest part of it all was that she was just so broken and defeated that it didn't even affect her all that much anymore. So she walked past them, still trying to avoid looking because it was Veronica, the girl that just yesterday had sat in her vehicle, in Cheryl's driveway, bawling her eyes out. </p>
<p>Cheryl wondered if the news had gotten out about her Nana, but she found herself not caring. She didn't care about anything anymore. She didn't feel anything anymore. But she wanted to care. And more than anything she wanted to feel. </p>
<p>That's why, when Cheryl saw Reggie Mantle leaning against the lockers in a secluded area, handing what looked like Jingle Jangle to Midge, a stupid idea crossed through Cheryl's mind, and she found herself going through with it. </p>
<p>So she walked up to Reggie, but couldn't even bring a fake smile to her lips. </p>
<p>"Reginald." She greeted. </p>
<p>He eyed her up and down before sighing. <br/>"Looking a little worse for wear there Bombshell." </p>
<p>Cheryl completely ignored his comment, deciding to just get straight to the point. "How much?" She asked. </p>
<p>Reggie's eyes softened and he looked at her sympathetically, and it's the first time Cheryl's ever seen this side of Reggie. </p>
<p>"Look Cheryl, I know you're going through a lot." He fidgeted with his backpack strap before continuing. "But I'm not really sure this is the path you want to go down. This is how people get hooked, by taking it to try and make them feel better rather than just for fun." Reggie explained. </p>
<p>"Okay." Cheryl shrugged. "I'll give you forty per straw, double market value." She offered. </p>
<p>Reggie sighed deeply and ran his hand through his hair. </p>
<p>"Fifty." Cheryl offered, and almost smiled when she saw Reggie reaching back into his pocket. </p>
<p>"Here, I'll give you five to start. Only take one straw at a time to avoid overdosing. They last about six hours." </p>
<p>Cheryl reached for her wallet, pulling out two hundred dollar bills and a fifty, handing them to Reggie as she took the straws. </p>
<p>"Thanks." And with that, she walked away to the girl's bathroom, quickly ripping the top of the paper straw off and pouring the powder into her mouth and swallowing. It was thick on her tongue, and took a while to get it all down, but the immediate effectiveness Cheryl was hoping for didn't come. </p>
<p>It didn't come until about twenty minutes into her first period, when her body started vibrating pleasantly, and all the colours became brighter, noises so much clearer, she could hear every breath of every person, and the class started spinning slightly. </p>
<p>She felt like she could run a fucking marathon, she just wanted to go and grab Veronica's face and kiss her as hard as she could. But she just gripped the edge of her desk, staying put as she watched the letters float off the screen, and landed on her desk.</p>
<p>They were big and three dimensional, and had little mouths and eyes. They stood on the wood of her desk in alphabetical order, and Cheryl was baffled when they started to talk. </p>
<p>"A is for apple." She watched as the letter 'A' morphed into a bright red apple. </p>
<p>"B is for bear." This voice was deep and gruff, unlike the bubbly sounding voice of the 'A'. </p>
<p>She watched in amazement as the 'B' morphed into a furry brown grizzly bear. </p>
<p>She repeated that she's high over and over again in her head as she watched all the other letters morph into something, and when the bell rang the noise sent waves through her brain. </p>
<p>Just as her crazy day of school was ending, all the colours became less vibrant, her head felt like she was under water, and she was filled with this big void of nothing, becoming more aware of her surroundings as she stood by her car. </p>
<p>She brought the cigarette between her fingers up to her lips, looking over the parking lot as her eyes landed on the group of her former friends. They all averted their gaze that was on her, them all glancing back at her randomly. They were leaning against Veronica's car, talking about her and Cheryl couldn't stand it. Their whispers and stares were eating away at the small decaying pieces of her heart. </p>
<p>So she slipped into her car, and took out another straw of Jingle Jangle and quickly consumed it, before she put her car in drive and made her way home.</p>
<p>She spent the night high off her bat, dancing to the sound of nothing, and playing with her shampoo bottles in the bath. She had drunk another bottle of Smirnoff, and smashed the empty bottle to pieces in a fit of either a depressed rage or victory, or both. </p>
<p>By the time she sobered up she realised it was morning again, she only had one straw left, and Veronica's sweater was torn up and on the floor. Cheryl couldn't remember anything that had happened all night long, and she shook the feeling off, finishing her last straw of the drug she had already become familiar with, and getting dressed. </p>
<p>As soon as she got to school she found herself searching out Reggie to buy more. She found him in the same spot as yesterday, and she ignored the heavy sigh he let out when he saw her. </p>
<p>"Look Cheryl, I thought about it and I'm not giving you anymore." </p>
<p>"C'mon Reggie, I'm just looking for a bit of fun." Cheryl whined. </p>
<p>Reggie chewed on his bottom lip. "I don't know, Red." </p>
<p>"Here, five hundred for ten more straws." Cheryl said, holding out a wad of fifties. </p>
<p>Reggie's eyes widened as he saw the hunk of cash and pulled out an unopened pack of a dozen straws, giving it to Cheryl as he grabbed the cash. </p>
<p>"Now that's an offer I can't not accept." Reggie said, eyes wide and a smirk on his face. </p>
<p>Cheryl just smiled and walked away, making her way back to the girl's bathroom. She knew it hadn't been six hours since she last took a straw, in fact it had only just been over two but she didn't give a shit as she peeled the plastic wrap off the colourful straws and swallowed the contents of one. </p>
<p>That's when a memory of her driving past Midge and Moose popped into her head. They had been parked slightly back in the woods, and snorting what looked like Jingle jangle off the back of their hands. </p>
<p>So Cheryl opened another straw and poured a line of it out onto the back of her hand and slowly brought her nose down, plugging one nostril and experimentally inhaling sharply. The immediate burn in her nose caused her eyes to water as she coughed, but she poured more out onto her hand regardless, repeating the action. </p>
<p>She felt like she could feel the powder far up her nasal track and kept sniffling to try and get it down. She licked the rest off the back of her hand as the bell rang and she quickly made her way to class, the buzz running through her body almost violent. It was only four hours later at lunch when she was out by her car smoking a cigarette when the buzz wore off, and the all too familiar reality started kicking back in. </p>
<p>Cheryl was quick to reach into her bag and grab a straw of the powder, pouring it down her throat. She threw the paper into her car, finishing off her cigarette before she stomped it out with her foot and made her way back inside. </p>
<p>Cheryl knew she was becoming dependent on the drug when she got home, and the effects of her last straw had already worn off after a short three hours, and she had a pounding headache, her first instinct to reach for the drug. The realization didn't even phase her really as she poured the contents of two straws down her throat, and snorted the contents of a third. </p>
<p>Things were different this night though. She didn't feel in the mood to get up and party, instead she just sat down and watched tv, falling asleep and only waking up to have more straws. By the time morning rolled around, she finished off her last two straws and got dressed, driving to the school simply to buy more. </p>
<p>That was the only reason why she went to school. Because she was sick and tired of seeing Veronica making out with someone different every single day, and she didn't have the motivation to do school work, but she needed more Jingle Jangle. </p>
<p>She found Reggie by the lockers once more, and he raised his eyebrows as soon as he saw her. </p>
<p>"You need more already? I just gave you twelve straws twenty four hours ago." He whispered harshly. </p>
<p>"Yeah yeah I know." Cheryl rushed. "So how much?" She asked. </p>
<p>"Listen Cheryl, no amount of money is going to get me to give you more." Reggie sighed. </p>
<p>But Cheryl was desperate. She could already feel reality setting back in and she couldn't handle it. She needs more. It isn't an option. She would do anything for it. She bit her lip in thought, and there was one thing Cheryl knew Reggie always wanted and would never pass up. </p>
<p>As much as the thought made her gag, she needed the drugs and she needed them quick. And what's the point anymore? Did she really care what happened to her? </p>
<p>"I'll, I will um, meet you in the janitor's closet in five?" Cheryl whispered and the disgustingly sexual smirk that spread across Reggie's lips nearly made Cheryl revoke her offer. But she needed it. </p>
<p>"Okay. I got you." He winked before he pushed himself off the locker and made his way into the janitors closet across the hall. </p>
<p>Cheryl took a few deep breaths trying not to think about what she was about to do before she made her way into the same janitors closet, getting onto her knees once the door was shut and locked. </p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>"You know usually you'd be a ten anyday but you're an eight after some recent changes." Reggie said as he zipped up his jeans and gave Cheryl eight straws.</p>
<p>The redhead was out of there in the blink of an eye, scurrying down the hallway to the bathroom before she was rinsing her mouth out repeatedly, swishing the water around and spitting it out.</p>
<p>She quickly opened two straws, pouring one down her throat and snorting the other. She made her way to class just before the final bell rang, feeling the waves of relief flood her shortly after. It was an overall peaceful day, until she got home, and was on her last straw of the day. </p>
<p>She snorted it, going up to her bedroom to lay down. But the one straw wasn't strong enough and she found herself crying harder than she had before. God she hated this. She thought about how badly her body longed for this stupid fucking drug, now that she didnt have any in her system.</p>
<p>She even fucking sucked Reggie Mantle's dick for it cause that's just how desperate she was. This is exactly what Cheryl never wanted her life to come to. She depended on Jingle Jangle, tobacco, and alcohol to keep her going. </p>
<p>She couldn't live without it. If there was one thing Cheryl never wanted in life it was to be addicted to something. What was the point of living anymore? Cheryl couldn't find any. </p>
<p>Her point of life was Jason. Then he was ripped away from her. Then it was Veronica. And she left. Then it was her Nana, who had to go. Then maybe it was the hope of Veronica getting back together with her. But she soon realised that is never going to happen. So it became getting high. And now? Now it was nothing. </p>
<p>Cheryl didn't want to live this life anymore. It was fucking stupid. All she felt was pain and heartbreak or nothing and numbness. She hated it. She wanted out. So she wiped away her tears, and stood up on shaky legs as she walked into her ensuite. </p>
<p>She looked in the mirror at her sick face, once beautiful and now horrid. She opened the medicine cabinet, reaching up and reading all the labels on the pill bottles. It didn't really matter what she used, did it? So she grabbed out all the bottles that had something in it and set them on the counter. </p>
<p>She filled her cup with water, and with trembling hands she opened the first bottle, took a deep breath, poured the blue capsules into her palm, and stared at them for a few seconds before she threw them in her mouth and swallowed them with some water. She could feel them hitting her throat but didn't mind as she opened the next bottle, pouring the white pills directly into her mouth, followed by water and swallowing. </p>
<p>She was another three bottles down when she started sweating profusely and her head started to spin with a pounding headache. A sharp pain in her temple. But she kept swallowing more and more. And then her stomach felt like it was being stabbed over and over before she grew dizzier and dizzier. </p>
<p>And then, everything went black and she fell to the ground. </p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>It was the end of the day, and Veronica was about to get in her car to go home. Until Reggie jogged up to her, causing her to roll her eyes. </p>
<p>"Listen Reggie the other day was fun, but-" he was quick to cut her off. </p>
<p>"This isn't about that Veronica. I just thought you should, um know, like I know you and Cheryl arent to-" </p>
<p>"Cheryl? What about her?" Veronica was quick to cut him off, guilt and worry gripping at her stomach and lungs. </p>
<p>"She um, approached me a couple days ago. About Jingle Jangle. And she seems really hooked on it. I think-" Veronica was in her car and ripping out of the parking lot in the blink of an eye. </p>
<p>Her vision was blurred with tears as she cursed herself. God, why did she fucking do this? She's the reason Cheryl's slowly rotting away. And why? Because Veronica couldn't confront her feelings? Who the fuck breaks up with someone because they're too in love? </p>
<p>Veronica Lodge does because she's a fucking idiot. Seeing Cheryl's state should have made it obvious that Cheryl was just as much in love with her as she was with Cheryl, and so what did Veronica do? Go and sleep with everyone in school. </p>
<p>Veronica was at Thistle House before she knew it, and let herself in, calling out Cheryl's name. </p>
<p>"Cheryl?" Veronica bit her lip and took a tentative step forward. "Cher?" Still no response so she made her way up the stairs to Cheryl's bedroom, knocking on the door. "Cheryl I'm coming in." </p>
<p>Veronica stepped in, looking around the room. Her eyes caught what looked like someone laying down on the bathroom floor and her heart plummeted as she felt bile rise in the back of her throat. She quickly made her way to the bathroom, an anguished scream exiting her as she looked at Cheryl, lying lifeless on the bathroom floor, a white foam spilling from her mouth, and empty pill bottles on the counter. </p>
<p>Veronica dropped to her knees as she tapped Cheryl's face, tears streaming down her face as she sobbed. </p>
<p>"Cher. Cheryl wake up." Veronica begged. "I'm sorry. Cheryl wake up." She sobbed. "Come on baby please." Veronica felt her lungs closing up and she couldn't breathe. "Cher I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Wake up. Come on, I love you, just wake up." </p>
<p>Veronica let her head fall onto Cheryl's chest as she screamed, sobs racking her body as she held on as tight as she could to Cheryl's shirt. God this was all her fault. The love of her life is dead because of her. God, what is fucking wrong with her? She should have known this would happen. She knew Cheryl's pain and that her and her Nana were the only things keeping her going. So stupid. So insanely stupid. </p>
<p>Veronica grabbed her phone with shaky hands, her tears falling onto the screen as she dialed 911. </p>
<p>"Hello what's your emergency?" The dispatcher called. </p>
<p>"She's de-ad. It-it's all my f-fault." Veronica sobbed. </p>
<p>"Who's dead?" The dispatcher asked. </p>
<p>"Ch-Ch-Cheryl." The Latina gulped. </p>
<p>"Cheryl Blossom?" The lady asked and Veronica nodded. </p>
<p>"Y-yeah." </p>
<p>"Where are you? Where is Cheryl?" </p>
<p>"Th-Thistle H-House-se." Veronica sniffled, another sob exiting her body. </p>
<p>"Alright people are on the way. Now can you tell me how she died?" </p>
<p>More sobs erupted from Veronica's body, and she clutched Cheryl's shirt even harder, the dispatchers attempts to calm her falling upon deaf ears. </p>
<p>Cheryl's dead. Cheryl killed herself because of her. God, Veronica hates herself. She's so stupid. Why couldn't she have just stayed with Cheryl, told Cheryl just how much she loves her so Cheryl could say she felt the same way,  and they'd be rolling around together in bed right now, laughing and happy, not dead and heartbroken and sobbing. </p>
<p>"Im s-so so-sorry Cher. I l-lo-ove you-ou so m-much. Why couldn't I h-ha-ve just said t-th-that." Veronica squeezed her eyes shut as She buried her face in Cheryl's neck. </p>
<p>And then the sirens rang out and there was yelling downstairs. </p>
<p>"U-up h-he-re." Veronica called, her voice cracking. </p>
<p>And soon after, strong manly hands were grabbing her and she found herself being pulled in for a hug from Tom Keller, as other people went into the bathroom. Veronica struggled against his grip, just wanting to hang onto Cheryl for as long as she could. </p>
<p>"Let m-me-me go." She demanded, but instead he just turned her around in his arms and squeezed her small figure tight as she cried onto his shoulder. </p>
<p>"It's okay. It's okay Veronica." He said, and once again she tried to push him away. </p>
<p>"I-it's n-not!" She screamed. "It's n-ot ok-ay." She whispered. "It-it's a-all my-y fa-ault-t." More sobs escaped her. </p>
<p>"Come on, I'll drive you home." He offered. </p>
<p>"N-no. I w-wan-ant to st-stay with h-er." Veronica protested between sobs. </p>
<p>But she allowed Sheriff Keller to lead her down the stairs and out to his car nonetheless. He opened the passenger side door for her and as soon as she sat, she set her pounding head against the cool window. The first five minutes of the car ride was wordless before Sheriff Keller broke the silence. </p>
<p>"It wasn't your fault, Veronica. What happened was truly tragic and completely out of your control." He spoke softly. </p>
<p>Veronica just closed her eyes as more silent tears fell. </p>
<p>"Anyways I know how close you and Cheryl were, and how this must be affecting you. And so I'm going to talk to your family and friends so you're constantly with someone and dont do something stupid that you'll ultimately regret." His voice was quiet and careful, but also laced with a bit of that authoritative tone. </p>
<p>Veronica didn't respond as they arrived at the Pembrooke and she stepped out of the cruiser. Tom escorted her up to the Lodge apartment, asking her parents for a word. She silently made her way into her room.</p>
<p>She stripped herself of her clothes, grabbing one of the two hoodies of Cheryl's she still had, slipping it on over her head and laying down in bed. She was tired of sobbing, in fact she was emotionally and physically exhausted, so she let her eyes fall shut, only to be woken hours later by her mom. </p>
<p>"I brought you supper mija." She said softly. </p>
<p>Veronica just rolled over in bed so she was facing the other way. "I'm not hungry." She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and shrugged it off impatiently. </p>
<p>She just wanted to be left alone. "Okay." Hermione whispered in her nasally voice. "It'll be in the microwave if you get hungry." And with that she was gone. </p>
<p>As soon as Veronica heard her bedroom door close again she shut her heavy eyelids, letting sleep take over once again. </p>
<p>When she woke up, she could hear the hushed whispers of her parents in the other room. </p>
<p>"Hiram, she's going through a lot, just leave her alone for a bit." Hermione whispered. </p>
<p>"I just want to make sure my daughter is okay, is that so much to ask?" Her dad asked. </p>
<p>"She'll be fine. Just give her time. Things like this don't just blow over in a day. They were dating for three years." Her mom whispered back. </p>
<p>"Veronica ended it with her a month ago now." </p>
<p>"Hiram, seriously, just let her be alone for a bit." And then the conversation was over. </p>
<p>Veronica got up and exited her room, going straight into her bathroom well aware of both of her parents' eyes being glued on her. When she came back out she looked at her parents, who stared back at her. </p>
<p>"I'm fine," is all she said before she went back into her room, laying back down on her bed. </p>
<p>She turned Friends on just for some background noise as she buried her nose into the sweatshirt, inhaling deeply, more tears rolling down her cheeks at the all too familiar smell of her departed ex-girlfriend. </p>
<p>She deserved the pain she was feeling because God, this must be the pain Cheryl felt the whole time they were apart. Because Cheryl wasn't distracting herself by screwing everyone she laid eyes on. Instead she was suffering in silence, all on her own, and it was all Veronica's fault. </p>
<p>So she deserved for her heart to be aching and breaking, as painful as it is. And she deserved to feel empty and alone in this huge world. Because this isn't even close to how bad Cheryl felt. Because as much as Veronica wants to be, she'll never have to feel the pain of being truly and utterly alone like Cheryl did. </p>
<p>Because Veronica will always have her parents, and aunts and uncles, and cousins, friends that all love her and care for her. Cheryl had no parents or family other than her senile Nana, all of her family either hating her and living far away or dead. And all of Cheryl's friends were also Veronica's friends and had chosen the Latina over the redhead. </p>
<p>So she'll never feel the pain that Cheryl felt. She'll never have to experience that feeling of being alone like Cheryl did. </p>
<p>Veronica didn't know what time it was when Betty Cooper opened the door, eyes red and puffy. Veronica assumes it was sometime after three, school must be over. </p>
<p>Betty sniffled and laid down beside Veronica, and the raven haired girl didn't mind. </p>
<p>"I'm so sorry V." Betty sniffled and Veronica's eyes shut and she shook her head, more tears falling. </p>
<p>She didn't want people's sympathy. She didn't deserve people's sympathy. But it was nice, having Betty there, the comforting hand in hers, whether she deserved it or not. It was still nice. </p>
<p>"They, um,  asked me to tell you some stuff." Betty sniffled. Veronica just remained silent, waiting for her to continue. "So Roseanne Blossom died four days ago." Betty sniffled. "Cheryl was the one to make the call at three twenty two pm." Veronica let the information sink in, more tears running down her face. </p>
<p>Cheryl truly was alone. "She um, overdosed on a mix of prescription drugs, some expired some not." Betty nodded slowly. "There was evidence of Jingle Jangle, alcohol, and tobacco consumption. And cuts on her arms, legs and stomach. And she starved herself." </p>
<p>They laid in silence together, taking the information in. </p>
<p>"How do you know all this?" Veronica whispered. </p>
<p>"Well, Cheryl um, didn't have any parents or a guardian when it happened, and so they told my mom and dad since how we're her only relatives in the area. They told me. And I figured if I were you, I'd want to know." Betty squeezed Veronica's hand a little tighter. </p>
<p>Veronica just nodded. "You know I'm sorry too. You're her cousin after all." </p>
<p>After that they just laid together silently until Veronica finally spoke when she realised the sun was setting. </p>
<p>"You should go home B. Have supper, go to bed." Veronica whispered, to be met with a shake of the head by Betty. </p>
<p>"I'm staying here tonight. And I don't really have much of an appetite anyways." Betty mumbled. </p>
<p>Veronica just gave a numb nod as her eyes stayed glued on the tv screen. Veronica felt her eyelids growing heavy once again, and glanced at Betty to see the girl beside her already asleep. </p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>No one's sure exactly what happened, but all that's known is that in the morning, Veronica Lodge was dead. </p>
<p>There were no signs of foul play, no substances in the bloodstream. There was no cause of death. She died of unknown reasons, the town assuming the most likely cause was simply heartbreak. </p>
<p>So that Saturday truly was a sad one for the small town of Riverdale, mourning the loss of three of its residents. Roseanne Blossom, Cheryl Blossom, and Veronica Lodge, all being buried side by side in the Blossom cemetery, the only option that seemed right. </p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>After months of grieving, the town returned to normal, at least the best normal they can have without the three beloved people.</p>
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